Are you my comrade?

Good day readers and followers.  We are in the middle of winter in my mythical home,  Questionopolis, PA, USA.  Speaking of myths, no matter what the central PA rodent-meteorologist, Punxatawney Phil saw or didn't see, the shadow of winter will be upon us until the Spring solstice.  I like the change of seasons- I like the chill of winter with extra hues of blue and seeing my breath.  I enjoy the fact that I don't have to cut the lawn.  Almost every winter Friday I make fresh soup. It's my Friday Night Soup  Of the Week or FNSOW in quick text format.

Once upon a time I worked with a tight knit group of people.  Every Monday I would share my soup.  Eventually each person would share something that they made.  Of that group I consider three of them my friends.  I speak with them regularly or I at least try to speak regularly.  I don't have a social media account.  No Facebook, Instagram, Twitter etc. Onetime I wrote that social media is where friendship goes to slowly and publicly rot and die- more on that later. If you are a regular reader you know that friend is not a title that I use to describe just anyone that I merely know.  So what is a friend?  Webster's dictionary states that it is one that is attached by affection or esteem.  A favored companion. Okay, I accept those definitions. Further, Webster's say synonyms include comrade, buddy or pal. 

I don't really call anyone my comrade but it would fit. Although a comrade is defined as an intimate friend or associate, it's not intimate in sexual terms.  Intimate is defined as marked by a warm friendship developed through a long association. Cool. I've always considered  terms like buddy or pal as lesser terms for some of the people with whom I socialize.  How is buddy defined?  Well sticking with trusty old Webster's, buddy-  is someone with whom you become friendly. Aha! So a buddy is not yet a friend, it's an Answerman definition for sure.   However, Pal is defined as a close friend. Hmmm. Hey- I'm no Webster. Stay with me- this is going somewhere, I promise.

There are four of us  that get together a few times a year and include some other former colleagues.  The group of four is comprised of two men, two women.  Apparently the guys, Noam and I,  are better at maintaining a friendship.  We haven't worked together for over five years but are still close.  I haven't worked with any of them for over two years.  The "girls," Jill and Nicole still work together.  Oh, since Jill and Nicole are over 40 and over 35 they consider being called one of the girls a term of endearment among friends. They don't reach out unprompted very often.  Noam and I live about 30 minutes apart and will call each other when/if we're in the other's neighborhood.  We get together whenever we can.  We both define friendship the same way. A relationship and communication is what I feel define a friendship.  I think the guys just get it more than the gals.

The larger crew is getting together in about a week.  Since the big group, like our group of four, is split between NJ and PA I picked a spot that's somewhat in the middle.  Access is key, if the meeting place is too far attendance is thin.   While planning one of the "girls," I'm not saying which, asked if I still talk to Noam?  It was an eye- roller.  What?  My text response was "ALL-the-time!"  We are friends. Anyway, yesterday Noam dropped by for about an hour because he was five minutes from my house.  Apparently we are the only ones that do that- even of the larger crew.

In the course of our conversation yesterday I asked Noam if he hears from Jill or Nicole regularly.  He said usually just as part of a group text or sometimes on Facebook.  I've said before, social media "friends" are not friends, not even if you're friends "in real life." If you're only socializing through electronic media you're not friends anymore. I got rid of the Facebook account I had years ago.  I noticed a disturbing trend.  Someone would write to you on your page "I really miss you," or "we should get together."  I would call and usually would get nothing more than a text response.  Electronic communication is not a friendship. Friends are in a relationship.  What's a relationship Mr. Webster?  A state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealing. 

Hey, if we are not talking to each other- actually speaking- we are not in a relationship. We have NO state of affairs and we are definitely not dealing with each other...Except maybe in a relationship with a keyboard.  There is nothing existing at all.  If you're keyboard buddies, well, in my opinion you are no longer friends.  Maybe it's a guy thing.  Maybe.  I know that I'm looking forward to this coming Friday and seeing everyone together again, especially having Jillie, N2 and NZ together again.  My friends said that I did have a knack for nicknames....Jill's is actually more colorful but I won't embarrass her on this blog. One of the crew is named Jillian but I call her "buddy-girl" because having a Jill and Jillian can make for a messy conversation.

The girls will ask me about my non-existent love life. They will offer their opinions on what type of woman is good for me.  They will still tell me that I need to look for a date that is not a redhead from Delaware.  They will say it to poke fun at the fact that I wrote a song called Girl from the 1st state about a redhead from DE. The song wasn't about anyone in particular.  When Nicole visits her friend in DE she sometimes tells me she will have her "Redar" on for me.  They will point out all my quirks that make me as compatible a mate as chocolate and onions.  All my friends will get a hug- and they know I'm an aggressive hugger.  I love them.

The Answerman says "Friends are warm and wonderful.  Friendship is a relationship.  Relationships take work.  A text is great to stay in touch or quickly plan an event.  Social media is evil and not a necessary evil. Electronics and media are great touchpoints but not a relationship.  If you can't hug them once in a while then you're no longer really friends."