A window closes

 Good day readers.  Happy Summertime!  Welcome back to my first post since the change of seasons.  Back in late the Spring I read an intriguing article by writer Leah Campbell about missing her "soulmate window."  While Ms. Campbell is still relatively young at only 38 years old, she came to that realization at the age of 32.  There were parts of her story that reminded me of many people I have known and a piece that I wrote years ago.  I previously wrote a blog about the struggles of trying to find a suitable date, mate, significant human to share life's experiences in my post-divorce e-dating reality. It was a struggle.  Eventually I threw in the mythical towel on e-dating.  

In full disclosure- reading that article and then writing about it also made me keenly aware that I had stopped searching for a "match, mate, date" or whatever we are calling it these days.  I am sarcastic and cynical.  Being a cynic means I have little faith in the integrity/sincerity of other humans.  I have more trust in dogs- which is why I have two.  Skye and Ripple trust me, I know that their emotions are honest.  This means that the common statement that "that date was a dog," meaning that it was a bad date is backwards for me.  I like a tail-wagging goodtime.  

The fact that I had stayed far too long in a bad marriage to anything but what would be described as a "soulmate" has left me psychologically scarred.  I was married to a soul - crusher on a good day.  Hindsight is 20/20.  Anyway...reading the article made me introspective and I started to evaluate my thought processes when considering a woman that I might want to date. In the end I am still at peace with my cynicism, it is like protective dome.  

Several years ago, when I first started dating again my friends would try to find me a date.  One in particular, Jill was critical of my age ranges and stated that looking for only younger women was a hindrance.  My great friend Noam has a sister, Carmit, who is a professional statistician.  One time when she was in town the topic turned to my dating choices and I mentioned Jill's assertion.  Carmit, in total jest (which I didn't know at the time) came up with a scale and said it was based on real statistical analysis.  We have since referred to it as the Carmit Scale.

The scale is as follows:

Father's age - your current age = X  (If Dad has passed then use the age he would be currently)

X /2= Proper age range.

Age range can be rounded up or down and applied both above and below your current age.  For a woman you would use Mom's age.  While Carmit revealed this to be something she made up in the moment to take some heat off me, I actually have used it as a guideline for my dating.  My closest friends still ask if a date is "within the Carmit Scale."  I have dated outside the range, it didn't go well.  The arguments that ensued were mostly based on the understanding of how things operate within our age range.

Somewhat recently I took interest in a woman.  Over a lengthy period of evaluation- again one of my quirks, I decided that I would ask her out. I was getting some feelings of stress that my own soulmate window was closing.  More specifically, slamming shut and nailed down.  The Answerman is getting later in the indifferent stage of "middle-age."  Today, sitting back and viewing my episodes of life over the last week is a comical sequence of failure.  Maybe failure is too harsh, but in review of the Webster's definitions I have actually laughed out loud;  Lack of success, non-fulfillment, debacle. While not a catastrophe, debacle or dead-loss (other synonyms), it was definitely a disappointment.

The woman of my attraction works for a friend of mine, in the restaurant that he owns. I will call her Dee, not her actual name.  Dee is one year under the Carmit scale.  My friend Patrick works there too.  About a week ago, after several periods of questioning my self (Yes, a self - talk with Answerman and answering my own questions), and another pleasant conversation with Dee, I sat down with Patrick.  I asked for some background that he may know from working with her for several months. I wanted to see if there were details that I may not know.  Nothing alarming. Pat even stated that he thought that I should ask her out because we have great rapport.  

By the way, Answerman is a descendent of the Murphy's. The ever present law related to us is Murphy's Law;  Anything than can go wrong, will go wrong.  Thank you to engineer /scientist Edward A. Murphy.  We all take this law with a healthy sense of humor.  In retrospect, this past week of date-seeking is laugh-out-loud funny to me.  To others it may be "cry-in-my-beer" sad, but it all depends on how serious you take your expectations.  I don't take my self too seriously, which is a good thing.  Patrick's assessment was "That was like a scene from a comedy...no a dramedy.  Buddy, you just can't get a break.  That sequence of events was unbelievable."  I said: "Pat, I am a descendent of the Murphy's...the law applies."  We laughed.

To recap the week.  I went to the restaurant on Tuesday, something that's rare.  Not working.  Went back Wednesday, she was way too busy to chat.  Thursday, I go back, sit with Pat.  I tell him, this is the day.  Things slow down.  Dee disappears, then reappears in the kitchen.  Pat says "Oh no, cell phone in hand, bag on shoulder....she's leaving."  In  a few seconds Dee comes breezing through the dining room/bar quickly and says good night...I struggle to make a few comments, bad timing, suddenly bad vibe for the first time, just off.  Way off.  I decide the vibe  is not right and say good night.  This is when Pat made the scene from a dramedy comment.  Patrick does affirm that it was not good timing.  The only positive was Dee saying "I will see you tomorrow."  Essentially because I normally only go on Friday, Saturday or Sunday.

Now Friday was a very busy work day for me.  I didn't get finished until about 7pm.  I tell my older daughter that I'm going to ask someone out, head over.  Pat is done his shift and he is sitting at the bar.  I order a beer.  Dee is nowhere in sight.  Patrick puts his hand on my shoulder and says "it's another scene from the dramedy of your life, she worked the day shift.  You missed her by an hour."  Additional fact;  they are now closed for two weeks, which was why I was going to ask this week.  Window closed! Bam!

Yes, I am disappointed, hence the earlier reference to the failure.  While admitting to be a cynic, I am not a prophet of doom, merely distrusting - but still positive.  The Answerman says and believes the idiom "When a window closes, somewhere a door opens."   The pessimist would say that it is an idiom for an idiot- but the fact remains that I would rather walk through a door than climb through a window.  So the window of opportunity closed before the two week closure for Dee. Meh, sometime around August the door will open.  Be good, be safe.  Happy Summer.

Answerman🌞