Mentors vs Predators and Parasites
I had said that I would get back to this topic later...and the sooner the better. In my last piece I presented what coaching, teaching and mentoring means or has meant to me. The greater part of the coaching brethren are participating for the common good. We are leading the way for youth, young men and young women to learn a sport, develop skills both social and athletic and provide a positive role model.
Many organizations and governing bodies have put processes in place to prevent an insidious invasion of our youth by predators and parasites. Those who use the opportunity to coach as a way to gain access to our children. There are also those in academia who defy the trust that they have gained and exploit their positions to prey upon the teenagers that they are charged with educating.
This is all truly horrifying. The most horrific is Sara Packer who misused her position as an adoption case supervisor to adopt and then plan and carry out the rape and murder of Grace Packer with Jacob Sullivan. It is stupefying that a predator can rise to these ranks unnoticed.
USA Today reported that the USA Gymnastics did nothing to protect young gymnasts from predator coaches. Predators really were protected,as USA Gymnastics were left off the list of banned coaches. The stories are both anger and fright enducing. If you haven't followed the disturbing details then go to your Google browser and type in USA Today + Gymnastics + Predator. Make sure you don't skip any of the reading. There are several articles going back several months, one case follows a coach back nearly 20 years!
Coaching is a privilege. It takes dedication and an investment of time and energy. The soulful return is bountiful if the only reward you seek is the progress of your charges. Say it out loud, it is a privilege, the privilege is granted by the varying associations, youth groups, governing bodies, the families and parents. There is an implicit trust. Anyone who misuses that trust to gain access to the youth should have to face the rest of us for defying the trust. If there are legal and "organized bodies" such as USA Gymnastics that do nothing to protect the athletes then I say those of us that are coaches for all of the right reasons should be judge, jury and executioner. I am the Answerman and that's my answer.
I went back to coaching this year after a five year hiatus. There was a dearth of coaches and that only hurts the kids who need someone with an interest in them, energy and a desire to see them succeed. I enjoyed it more than I thought I would at the beginning. This was not a difficult decision given that my granddaughter was playing so I could coach her coed team of first and second graders.
Turning back the clock a decade, I was placed in charge of two different teams of girls. Neither had anyone from my family on them, in fact it was an age group younger than my youngest daughter. I purposely put in extra effort to have parents meetings, explain who I was, why I was placed in charge of teams for which I had no child playing (particularly since my youngest was still playing) and create a bond with the parents. I explained that I was the father of only daughters and the organization had chosen me to lead the age group and the other coaches.
In the end of that 4-5 year run with that team it was one of my most enjoyable and memorable experiences. By the end of year two the teams had merged to one and I retained the same assistant for the entire run. We were trusted, he by virtue of being known to many of the parents and having a daughter on the team and I by earning their trust. The privilege is earned as is the trust.
I become incensed when I read stories like the USA Today stories or the almost daily reports of a teacher or professor taking advantage of their charges in a predatorial or parasitic manner. Disgusted really doesn't have the impact I'm trying to convey. We have to be the ones looking out for the children, all of them, not just ours- all of the children. We should never have another coach or teacher as predator issue but we most likely will - parents have to become more involved. We must never - EVER- have another incident take away another child like Grace Packer. Where is that process solution?
When I was coaching that last travel soccer group, there were some difficult parents. Some I won over, some I didn't. In retrospect some of those that I didn't had viewed me as having blocked their opportunity to coach. The reality is that we had great administrators who recognized some truly destructive coaching tactics and prevented those people from coaching. It was a great decision. That group of kids is now 20-22 years old, some of them bounced around with their parents from place to place and bowed out of sports after two or three years. They weren't good sports parents, and that leads to bad coaches if you allow them to coach. It was the right thing for our organization. Some of the "kids" that stuck around still call me coach.
In an earlier post on this blog I mentioned that I like quotes. The nicest thing anyone has ever said about me as a coach came from a family who didn't like me in the beginning, We saw a way through it for their daughter. When I announced that I was leaving my position to concentrate on family I got this note "I have said it before and continue to say...every kid should have someone like you as a coach at least once in their lives. Our girls were blessed to have you season after season."
The Anserman says "Every kid should grow up and look back on their experiences fondly. We must all look out for them so that they feel blessed and not used or mistreated. We are responsible as parents, guardians, coaches and mentors to provide the leadership and protection to make it possible."
Many organizations and governing bodies have put processes in place to prevent an insidious invasion of our youth by predators and parasites. Those who use the opportunity to coach as a way to gain access to our children. There are also those in academia who defy the trust that they have gained and exploit their positions to prey upon the teenagers that they are charged with educating.
This is all truly horrifying. The most horrific is Sara Packer who misused her position as an adoption case supervisor to adopt and then plan and carry out the rape and murder of Grace Packer with Jacob Sullivan. It is stupefying that a predator can rise to these ranks unnoticed.
USA Today reported that the USA Gymnastics did nothing to protect young gymnasts from predator coaches. Predators really were protected,as USA Gymnastics were left off the list of banned coaches. The stories are both anger and fright enducing. If you haven't followed the disturbing details then go to your Google browser and type in USA Today + Gymnastics + Predator. Make sure you don't skip any of the reading. There are several articles going back several months, one case follows a coach back nearly 20 years!
Coaching is a privilege. It takes dedication and an investment of time and energy. The soulful return is bountiful if the only reward you seek is the progress of your charges. Say it out loud, it is a privilege, the privilege is granted by the varying associations, youth groups, governing bodies, the families and parents. There is an implicit trust. Anyone who misuses that trust to gain access to the youth should have to face the rest of us for defying the trust. If there are legal and "organized bodies" such as USA Gymnastics that do nothing to protect the athletes then I say those of us that are coaches for all of the right reasons should be judge, jury and executioner. I am the Answerman and that's my answer.
I went back to coaching this year after a five year hiatus. There was a dearth of coaches and that only hurts the kids who need someone with an interest in them, energy and a desire to see them succeed. I enjoyed it more than I thought I would at the beginning. This was not a difficult decision given that my granddaughter was playing so I could coach her coed team of first and second graders.
Turning back the clock a decade, I was placed in charge of two different teams of girls. Neither had anyone from my family on them, in fact it was an age group younger than my youngest daughter. I purposely put in extra effort to have parents meetings, explain who I was, why I was placed in charge of teams for which I had no child playing (particularly since my youngest was still playing) and create a bond with the parents. I explained that I was the father of only daughters and the organization had chosen me to lead the age group and the other coaches.
In the end of that 4-5 year run with that team it was one of my most enjoyable and memorable experiences. By the end of year two the teams had merged to one and I retained the same assistant for the entire run. We were trusted, he by virtue of being known to many of the parents and having a daughter on the team and I by earning their trust. The privilege is earned as is the trust.
I become incensed when I read stories like the USA Today stories or the almost daily reports of a teacher or professor taking advantage of their charges in a predatorial or parasitic manner. Disgusted really doesn't have the impact I'm trying to convey. We have to be the ones looking out for the children, all of them, not just ours- all of the children. We should never have another coach or teacher as predator issue but we most likely will - parents have to become more involved. We must never - EVER- have another incident take away another child like Grace Packer. Where is that process solution?
When I was coaching that last travel soccer group, there were some difficult parents. Some I won over, some I didn't. In retrospect some of those that I didn't had viewed me as having blocked their opportunity to coach. The reality is that we had great administrators who recognized some truly destructive coaching tactics and prevented those people from coaching. It was a great decision. That group of kids is now 20-22 years old, some of them bounced around with their parents from place to place and bowed out of sports after two or three years. They weren't good sports parents, and that leads to bad coaches if you allow them to coach. It was the right thing for our organization. Some of the "kids" that stuck around still call me coach.
In an earlier post on this blog I mentioned that I like quotes. The nicest thing anyone has ever said about me as a coach came from a family who didn't like me in the beginning, We saw a way through it for their daughter. When I announced that I was leaving my position to concentrate on family I got this note "I have said it before and continue to say...every kid should have someone like you as a coach at least once in their lives. Our girls were blessed to have you season after season."
The Anserman says "Every kid should grow up and look back on their experiences fondly. We must all look out for them so that they feel blessed and not used or mistreated. We are responsible as parents, guardians, coaches and mentors to provide the leadership and protection to make it possible."
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