The Human Side of Relating
Good day readers! I had promised that the new content would be different - please don't fear that this will concentrate only on the shortcomings of humanity from my first blog piece. The exploration, discussion if you're so willing to accept that term, will have a positive vibe and message. So with that being said I want to dive into one of my favorite topics; friendship.
If you're all as lucky as me then you woke today thinking that you have the best friends in the world. There are days when we don't always feel like the sun is warming our life and clouds may fill our thoughts. If you have a great circle of friends it can take a simple text or call to change that right away. Stop and think.... now isn't that great that we have a "life-switch" to flip to change things? I'm the Answerman so "Yes. Yes it is great!" Friends make the world a better place. In addition, as an adult the realization that your family can represent one of the strongest links in the chain of friendship is also very cool.
At times for many of us the bond between friends is stronger than the one between siblings and there's nothing bad about that either. It is all good. I can be a deep thinker and so I wanted to dive into how to really define friendship. My long time simple explanation has been "Friendship is a relationship." I further explain to those around me that all relationships take work, even friendships. The little question marks in my life-- my daughters, now my grandaughter have always come to me for answers but it doesn't mean I am always right, nickname not withstanding. I consulted Webster's dictionary because I truly don't have all the answers.
According to the trusty Webster's dictionary the following defines a friend; One attached to another by affection or esteem. Not Hostile. I will accept that first definition, however hostilities are human reactions and as such creep into any part of humanity. The strength of the relationship will determine whether a friendship survives some hostility. I know, you're thinking; "But Answerman, what is a relationship anyway?" I accept Webster's first and second definitions; State of being interrelated. Connecting or being participants.
We all have the ability to define our friendships, or relationships with our friends however we wish. Our friends are definitely connected to us and participants with us by some level of affection or esteem. Take a moment and think about how you relate to each person you define as "friend." The Websters' definitions are very broad and cannot be broadly accepted, right?
We use terms like "he/she is my best friend or closest friend, oldest friend, work friend" etc. Those closest to me (see what I mean) know that I am very conservative with whom I will call a friend. It's my own internal quirk, but I love my friends so dearly that to me it's a point of respect for them that I don't apply a dictionary approach and call it done. I refer to others as a "buddy," part of my "work crew, fishing, sports, drinking crew etc." If I call someone friend it's a high title from me.
My best friend, Bo, left this earth over a decade ago but he will always be my "Best Friend." I just think it would be disrespectful to call anyone else my best friend. We learned much from each other and even when we lived several hundred miles apart and through all of life's changes over 28 years we knew each other we always stayed in touch. We were always available for support or help. There was no one else for either of us where you could pick up the phone and say "I need help," then stop everything and sometimes drive 2-3 hours to help each other- even on a moments notice. I miss him and just honor the friendship, the relationship we had for so many years.
I have another friend that I call my "best living friend." Again, it's one of my quirks. My other friends are used to it, people outside the circle always look at me with a question mark on their face- I'm used to it. Even with the closeness, the affection or esteem I have for my friends the human side of relating to them is inevitable. There are hostilities sometimes, mostly in the form of disagreements. A true friendship will survive. Bo and I would go a few weeks not speaking back in our teens and early 20's but then work it out or let it go.
Think for a moment, you have different groups or circles of friends and some of them don't mix well together, right? You, me, everyone has this in their lives. I don't dismiss one for another, I just don't mix them. Bo and my best living friend were very similar which is why I have been so close to them- but they couldn't stand each other. I couldn't have them in the same circle. It was strange to me but it is the human side of relating. Webster can't define that either so we shouldn't burn precious time trying to figure it out. Call it being human, go make a milkshake and you will feel better.
Technology at first seemed to really help the relationship of friends. I feel it has become damaging and lead to the deterioration of friendship. Once upon a time when a friend moved away you could call or write an occasional letter. Then you could e-mail or instant message and that meant more frequent contact while raising a family and taking care of many of life's challenges. However, with all of the technology creep the affection part is being lost, the actual relational level has deteriorated.
I mentioned texting a friend earlier, it's great if planning an event to actually see friends or a quick "How are you doing?" The increased use of social media can connect us all in ways that allow us to share our friendship and relationship more broadly but to some it has become the sole vehicle of maintaining the relationship. Guess what, that's not a relationship. There's no emotion, there's no affection. Where's the love?
Aha! Social media is where relationships go to rot slowly and publicly. I have no social media accounts anymore. I found that many of my friends stopped communicating in any form other than electronic devices or places, suddenly there was no relational level. There were media posts back and forth, instant messages or a text and that was it.
I could post something and receive a public post of "I really miss you." Really,? because the last 3 times I tried to call and left you a voicemail you returned the message with a text and now you told the e-world you miss me. No love man, no love. This brings up another point, and one that was driven home with the passing of someone close to me. Never let the opportunity to tell your closest friends you love them pass.
If you are close to your own vibration then you can truly feel the love of another and they from you, it's ethereal. Knowing and feeling the love are wonderful. There are days that being told that you are loved is so warming and uplifting. We all have bad days, hearing that from a friend can do a 180. Life doesn't always provide us with the opportunity to know that someone could be leaving this world. Accidents happen. It's simple, don't be homophobic and it shouldn't be uncomfortable, remember these are the people that you looked at and said "Yeah, I like this one, I'm keeping him or her in my life."
The Answerman says "Friendship is a relationship, relationships take work. Start that work by reaching out in a real way. Make a call, have a real discussion. Make plans to meet. Tell your friend you love them." Then pause and see how you feel.
If you're all as lucky as me then you woke today thinking that you have the best friends in the world. There are days when we don't always feel like the sun is warming our life and clouds may fill our thoughts. If you have a great circle of friends it can take a simple text or call to change that right away. Stop and think.... now isn't that great that we have a "life-switch" to flip to change things? I'm the Answerman so "Yes. Yes it is great!" Friends make the world a better place. In addition, as an adult the realization that your family can represent one of the strongest links in the chain of friendship is also very cool.
At times for many of us the bond between friends is stronger than the one between siblings and there's nothing bad about that either. It is all good. I can be a deep thinker and so I wanted to dive into how to really define friendship. My long time simple explanation has been "Friendship is a relationship." I further explain to those around me that all relationships take work, even friendships. The little question marks in my life-- my daughters, now my grandaughter have always come to me for answers but it doesn't mean I am always right, nickname not withstanding. I consulted Webster's dictionary because I truly don't have all the answers.
According to the trusty Webster's dictionary the following defines a friend; One attached to another by affection or esteem. Not Hostile. I will accept that first definition, however hostilities are human reactions and as such creep into any part of humanity. The strength of the relationship will determine whether a friendship survives some hostility. I know, you're thinking; "But Answerman, what is a relationship anyway?" I accept Webster's first and second definitions; State of being interrelated. Connecting or being participants.
We all have the ability to define our friendships, or relationships with our friends however we wish. Our friends are definitely connected to us and participants with us by some level of affection or esteem. Take a moment and think about how you relate to each person you define as "friend." The Websters' definitions are very broad and cannot be broadly accepted, right?
We use terms like "he/she is my best friend or closest friend, oldest friend, work friend" etc. Those closest to me (see what I mean) know that I am very conservative with whom I will call a friend. It's my own internal quirk, but I love my friends so dearly that to me it's a point of respect for them that I don't apply a dictionary approach and call it done. I refer to others as a "buddy," part of my "work crew, fishing, sports, drinking crew etc." If I call someone friend it's a high title from me.
My best friend, Bo, left this earth over a decade ago but he will always be my "Best Friend." I just think it would be disrespectful to call anyone else my best friend. We learned much from each other and even when we lived several hundred miles apart and through all of life's changes over 28 years we knew each other we always stayed in touch. We were always available for support or help. There was no one else for either of us where you could pick up the phone and say "I need help," then stop everything and sometimes drive 2-3 hours to help each other- even on a moments notice. I miss him and just honor the friendship, the relationship we had for so many years.
I have another friend that I call my "best living friend." Again, it's one of my quirks. My other friends are used to it, people outside the circle always look at me with a question mark on their face- I'm used to it. Even with the closeness, the affection or esteem I have for my friends the human side of relating to them is inevitable. There are hostilities sometimes, mostly in the form of disagreements. A true friendship will survive. Bo and I would go a few weeks not speaking back in our teens and early 20's but then work it out or let it go.
Think for a moment, you have different groups or circles of friends and some of them don't mix well together, right? You, me, everyone has this in their lives. I don't dismiss one for another, I just don't mix them. Bo and my best living friend were very similar which is why I have been so close to them- but they couldn't stand each other. I couldn't have them in the same circle. It was strange to me but it is the human side of relating. Webster can't define that either so we shouldn't burn precious time trying to figure it out. Call it being human, go make a milkshake and you will feel better.
Technology at first seemed to really help the relationship of friends. I feel it has become damaging and lead to the deterioration of friendship. Once upon a time when a friend moved away you could call or write an occasional letter. Then you could e-mail or instant message and that meant more frequent contact while raising a family and taking care of many of life's challenges. However, with all of the technology creep the affection part is being lost, the actual relational level has deteriorated.
I mentioned texting a friend earlier, it's great if planning an event to actually see friends or a quick "How are you doing?" The increased use of social media can connect us all in ways that allow us to share our friendship and relationship more broadly but to some it has become the sole vehicle of maintaining the relationship. Guess what, that's not a relationship. There's no emotion, there's no affection. Where's the love?
Aha! Social media is where relationships go to rot slowly and publicly. I have no social media accounts anymore. I found that many of my friends stopped communicating in any form other than electronic devices or places, suddenly there was no relational level. There were media posts back and forth, instant messages or a text and that was it.
I could post something and receive a public post of "I really miss you." Really,? because the last 3 times I tried to call and left you a voicemail you returned the message with a text and now you told the e-world you miss me. No love man, no love. This brings up another point, and one that was driven home with the passing of someone close to me. Never let the opportunity to tell your closest friends you love them pass.
If you are close to your own vibration then you can truly feel the love of another and they from you, it's ethereal. Knowing and feeling the love are wonderful. There are days that being told that you are loved is so warming and uplifting. We all have bad days, hearing that from a friend can do a 180. Life doesn't always provide us with the opportunity to know that someone could be leaving this world. Accidents happen. It's simple, don't be homophobic and it shouldn't be uncomfortable, remember these are the people that you looked at and said "Yeah, I like this one, I'm keeping him or her in my life."
The Answerman says "Friendship is a relationship, relationships take work. Start that work by reaching out in a real way. Make a call, have a real discussion. Make plans to meet. Tell your friend you love them." Then pause and see how you feel.
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